An Answered Prayer or atleast a Revelation

As you know, last week had been horrible. On Friday, it got even worse. There were three symptoms that Karlee had not shown on the RAD list and now she has officially had them all. Anyway, by 4 pm Friday, I was really thinking this is hopeless. I was staying calm but inside I wanted to throw in the white flag- ha. Anyway, I had her sit beside me while I got some packages ready to mail. I was humming along and she did not speak for the longest time. Then, as Drew and I were standing in the kitchen, she says: " You are my mommy and daddy, right?" We turn and I said Yes. She said you aren't going to leave me right? We are a family and you love me right?" To which I replied: Yes, Karlee we are a family. No matter how many bad days you have, we will always be together as a family because you are our daughter and we are your mommy and daddy and we love you. She sat there for a minute and said, I love you so much mommy. And that was it. The rest of the day was better and then Saturday we had to go to a dance competition all day and she was wonderful. The look in her eyes is different. Several times at the competition she would ask, you aren't going to leave me right? Let me back up to Friday night. We rocked before she went to bed and she snuggled right in and we talked about families. Another adoptive mom had told me two years ago how they explained "Family" to their daughter by interlocking their fingers together (thanks Shawna) and I used that with Karlee. I told her that you can't pull the fingers apart and how that is like a family. She said, sometimes I get scared. And I said- about your family? She said yes. And I told her that when she gets scared, she can put her hands together and remember that we are a family and we love each other. The next day on the way to the competition, she told Drew about the fingers thing and said that last night she was in bed and she got scared so she put her hands together and remembered we are a family and was all better!!
This weekend it has hit me- one of those a-ha moments I guess- where everything I have read, and been told and even recited came to life. Karlee's behavior isn't an attack on me. She is out to prove me wrong. She is out to prove herself right- she believes that she is bad and the world is bad and that if she tries hard enough we will bail on her just like everyone else. So she is trying everything and when I say everything- oh my word. She has even refused to say my name this week the right way- it comes out just ugly sounding. But she is trying to convince herself that I will walk. If I could describe the burning passion in my soul- I would. If I could describe the burning anger that my precious daughter has to even deal with this- I would. But let me just say that there is a renewed energy in me. I could go on about the a-ha moment I had, but I won't keep on and on. Thank you friends for the comments of encouragment- those emails and phone calls are priceless to me. I can't even begin to describe how much it means that you have just simply walked up and asked or mentioned it in a phone conversation- oh how thankful and blessed I am. Thank you.